


After The Storm

by MidnightStarr



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2017-12-16 18:17:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightStarr/pseuds/MidnightStarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love, and loss. Realizations, and revelations. The before and after of the storm that started it all... The past, the present, and the future. What it all adds up to.</p><p> </p><p>Sequel to 'Before The Storm'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All Or None

 

 

 

 

 

 

**MS:** Ladies and gentlemen, here we are. The story we've all been waiting for! After months of delayed writing, the worst writer's block I've ever suffered and so many other things in between ATS is finally seeing the light of (sunny) day. Once or twice, I was scared maybe I couldn't get back into my groove. But never fear; ATS is here! Now a few notes... This story has alot going on. This installment, for one, has no timeline; chapters will be before BTS, after BTS, not in the timeline for BTS and years in the future from the end of BTS. Hence; After The Storm. Though it dabbles in everything. Be prepared for, not a rollercoaster, but a boatride through time and time again. Enjoy. And always review.

* * *

 

 

 

It was pretty outside, most of the time now. A few days it rained.. The wind blew hard.

To Sam though, every day he was walking on cloud nine where the sun was bright and the stars shone at night and even though it was overcast down on Earth in dreary La Push, he was in heaven where things couldn't have been better.

Leah was recovering.

It was slow... It was hard and it was painful and tiring and the damndest most depressing sort of shit Sam could've ever watched in his wildest dreams ( _nightmares)_  but she was making it. Leah was still sick... It wouldn't be a fast healing either. It would take time and lots of work on everyone's part.

But knowing his LeeLee was going to be okay... Made the sun shine for Sam in each and every way.

There were only... A few minor ' _problems'_  standing in Sam's way. He held Leah close every night... Slept with her in the forgotten hospital bed at the Cullens'. But every morning, as he thanked god his baby was okay, the other woman would come knocking at the hardwood door.

_'Emily we've been through this... I can't come home. Not now. Not yet. I don't want to talk.'_

_'Sam you're being ridiculous! You've spent way too much time here, Leah's going to be_ _**fine** _ _so please just come home..! I miss you, Sam... God you don't even understand...!'_

_'I do... For now I just don't give a damn. I'll come home when I'm ready.'_

The door would slam, Sam would come and Leah would be pushing herself up on her aching ribs and back and stomach to look up at him before he even made it to the edge of the mattress.

He hated those eyes... Leah looked at him then like... Like she was doubting everything he had changed and done for her. Like it wasn't enough, that she couldn't be confidant that he was over Emily.

He was proven correct.

"Sam... You're still so unsure..." Her quiet words chased with a cough. Leah noticed... Hell, she noticed everything. Emily came every day... Wanting to see Sam, wanting to talk to her. Sam would send her away, each and every time. Yet he had not once told her that it was the end.

She hated the way his eyes seemed so accused, so withering under what he probably thought was scrutiny.

"Leah... Just because I haven't told her yet, it doesn't mean-"

"It's okay... Y'know, it's okay." Her dry lips morphed into something resembling a small, knowing smile. A reflection of her confidence and trust in Sam's decisions. (Though it was a recently regained trust, none the less.)

"Leah...," Sam spoke again. Hot bile gathered in his throat, and he flushed it down. That same smile that same vacant look in her shining eyes... In the cave, in his arms. When she'd given up. "...I am not, going to leave you again."  _'That's it Sammy, sound the words out loud and clear.'_

"...I've made my choice." Sam hoped the words came out as strong as he'd intended.

Leah's blue eyes shone no hope.

"Just know-" Her hand rested over her heart, her chest, another soft cough and Sam inched closer out of reflex. "..Just know that," Leah breathed in deeply, more air for her battered lungs still on the mend. "...I would never blame you if you left again."

XXXXX

The gravel seemed like pavement under his coarse feet. Well it had never really bothered him since becoming a wolf, but he used to be able to tell it was ground up rocks instead of smooth black asphault.

Maybe he didn't notice because Sam's mind was too lost in the previous hour's conversation.

_"What...? Leah... No, I don't like it when you say shit like that!" He didn't want to sound angry, he wasn't... He was hurt. Because, he_ _**had** _ _made a mistake. And now here she sat proclaiming his righteousness._

_Yeah, King of La Push Uley._

_Leah's head dipped downward. God, she still looked so fragile... It was as if Sam's harsh words just now had gone and cracked another bone._

_"Leah," Sam breathed out, kneeling by his love's bedside. "Why do you think like that...?"_

_"She's prettier than me... Y'know she always was, especially before the scars... You deserve someone pretty, Sam."_

_His stomach twisted like he'd been kicked in the guts._

_"You're fucking beautiful." His hand brushed back her soft hair. He loved it long. "She doesn't friggen compare, she never will and I hate myself for thinking once that she did."_

_Leah was silent for a second._

_"I know you love homemade things... Like cake, and bread and muffins."_

_'Oh, jesus.'_

_"I can't bake that good Sam..."_

_"I loved when you cooked for me! I didn't care what it was, Leah I loved it because you cooked it!" Sam spoke at her softly. He wanted her to get the point... He just didn't want her to be reprimanded. No. Never again._

_"An'... And you used to complain sometimes because I couldn't make beds right... Emily can, Emily can do anything..." What was miraculous to Leah herself was how her voice did not shake. Yes, she could hear the pain it wrung from her in her own ears but her voice didn't quiver. Her eyes didn't water. "Emily can get the stain out of... Out of any piece of clothing... And she doesn't mind bein' home all the time..."_

_Now he hated Emily Good; Leah Bad._

_"Leah why can't you see that none of that matters to me...? You are so... You're so amazing. Better than her no matter how many goddamn flaws you think you have."_

_He was going to_ _**make her** _ _see this._

_Leah's soft blue eyes flitted across the room, to the window where the morning rain was still wet on the glass and dew shone in the leaves of the trees._

_"And she's nicer than me... Sam, she's perfect." So many times, Leah had wondered. If it had been Emily in her place, would Emily have been as mean and bitter to the boys...? Probably, most certainly not._

_Sam gulped again. "No..."_

He walked up his steps; the second one still creaked. Leave it to her to never be able to do a goddamned thing on her own.

His hand was on the doorknob.

He pulled it open.

As soon as Emily saw him, her eyes lit up and right away it seemed like she wanted to hug him. Then as quick as lightning they began to burn; blister into a fire so hell-bent and ugly that it matched the scars on her face. And she made damn sure the side she turned towards him was that one.

Just.. Fuck. It wasn't like Sam needed to be reminded of another mistake. His fists clenched at his sides.

Sam had hated himself for scarring up Emily... Jesus, he'd wanted to die when she was at the hospital, all bandaged up and crying. But now... Seeing how she was so used to willingly using the scars to get her way around and with him, he hated her.

Briefly, he thought,

_'The scars are appropriate.'_

"So you finally come home!" Her hands waved at her sides, one bradishing a wooden spoon like she was going to hit him with it. "You don't know how  _long_ I've waited-"

"Just as many days as I spent in the cold, out in the wild watching your cousin die?"

Emily's face hardened.

"I know what happened to Leah was horrible... But Sam, I'm your  _wife!_  I should come before all others! You promised me...!"

Sam's lip quirked. ' _Guess I really do suck at keeping promises.'_

"You are not my wife."

Emily stepped further, copper cheeks staining a blistering red that intensified her already angry hazel eyes. Inside, though, it was another story. The fires of hell burnt within her tanned body, a flickering flame that was licking at her heart and any and all sympathy she could've had or ever felt for her cousin. How could she...? How could Leah do this to her!

And Sam... Well fuck, if Emily had the claws perhaps she would've made them match.

"Of course I'm your wife...!" ' _Don't you dare try to tell me different, Samuel Uley not after everything you've put me through...' "_ And I know for a fact I haven't deserved  _any_ of the treatment you've shown me the last few months!"

Her voice was rising in decibel now. Sam stood fast. He wouldn't move. His eyes wouldn't leave her's, but not because they couldn't.

For now, there was no aching, stinging throb that tied their hearts together.

Now she was the homewrecking slut who'd helped fate snatch away his happily ever after.

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. But I still treated you that way, didn't I?"

You know, he'd been hoping to get through the conversation without being a total dick. Honestly even when Sam had broken Leah's heart he hadn't went about it with a single cruel word. Hell he'd cried and begged her forgiveness when she walked in on him and Emily. But Emily was making it very very difficult.

The more he talked back, the louder she got.

"Sam! Why are you being like this!"

(Inside, honestly Emily knew... Emily could see it in his eyes. She just didn't wanna believe it.)

"If you'd stop screeching, I would explain-"

The wooden spoon hit the floor, causing a rattle that seemed deafening in the tense household. Sam refused to flinch; she didn't deserve that much. The crack of wood on wood was a lot louder than he thought it would be.

(Actually, he didn't think Emily had the strength in her flabby arm.)

"Don't you  _dare_  tell me to stop screaming Sam!" She was practically shaking now, Sam could almost feel the heat of her anger ricocheting forward in large ripples. He'd never thanked fuck before like now that Emily was Makah instead of Quileute, and didn't have the ability to phase. If she did, one side of his face might've very well ended up like her's.

Non-accidentally.

But he couldn't worry about himself right now... Or her, really. His mind still rested on Leah. Not because it had to. Because he wanted it to.

Running over his lines, his carefully thought-out words in his head one more time, Sam made another attempt to speak.

"Emily, I know you're angry. Please, just give me the chance to-"

"SHUT UP SAM!  _You_ give me a chance to explain things! I'm your  _fiancee,_ and I've been  _sitting home alone_ for a month now wondering where the hell my husband went..!"

There she goes again... That 'husband and wife' thing.

But drawing out the patience he'd harbored away for this event the same way he'd kept his feelings for Leah hidden, Sam managed to let Emily say her piece. ' _Hurry the fuck up.'_

"Sam I know Leah's still important to you... Jesus she's so, so important to me...!" Sam wanted to scoff; but he didn't. "And you spending all sorts of your time helping the boys find her I completely understand! It's just... She's been home and safe now Sam for almost a week and you still haven't been by the house even twice...!"

Ahhh... There was the break he was looking for. Emily's criss-crossed chin was starting to quiver and that meant she wouldn't be able to raise her voice anymore. He could get a damn word in finally.

"I know I haven't come by. Because, I was where I was needed more. Leah's side. It's where I intend to stay, for quite a while longer Emily. I'm sorry. Truth be told, I came home the two times I did only because I needed some fresh clothing."

Emily's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. No, this couldn't be happening...

Sam kept going.

"I had a lot of time to think, Em, up in the mountains. A lot of things happened, that really made me wonder why I ever gave into this imprinting bullshit in the first place. I'd told you before, that if you hadn't come to La Push I would still be with Leah and now I've got that choice back. And I'm taking it. You know I'll always feel something for you..."

' _No...! This can't be how Leah felt when he said this shit to her!...'_

"Sam... Sam please..."

He sighed.

"I'm sorry. I want to call off our engagement. I'm not happy anymore. ...Not sure if I ever was."

Inside the copper-skinned woman something shattered and fell to the ground. Everything she had worked for, all the stops she'd pulled to ensure Sam was making the right choice...! Everything she'd done for him...

No. It  _wouldn't_ end like this...!

"No, but Sam you... You can't... You don't know everything that you're giving up Sam you  _can't_ do this!" Here comes the volume again.

Along with the tears. Sam still, somewhere deep down, couldn't help but feel a stab of pity as he saw the salty drips pour down the remains of Emily's tattered face, hand that had been previously holding the spoon clutching at her other like she would rather lose the entire appendage instead of the ring he had begifted her.

Then she turned side on, by purpose absolutely and made very well he could see naught but the scars. And the pain he had inflicted.

Sam's teeth clenched (like he possibly needed to lose anymore enamel; jesus he didn't think he had any left as it was.)

' _Let her talk, Sam... She's trying to make you feel sorry for her.'_

"Leah's just... She's so... Sam!" Emily whimpered, stepping even closer to his bare chest like if she held onto him she actually had the power to make him stay. "Leah can't cook for you like I can, or-or fold perfect laundry and keep your house clean...!"

_'Yes she can. Leah can do all that. And if she can't...'_

_'Who gives a fuck?'_

Sam let out a heavy sigh, irritation blossoming in his chest. Like she truly expected him to stand there while she came up with reasons why Leah was so much less of a woman than she was.

"A clean house is a small price to pay, Emily for spending eternity with the one you love."

Emily bit her bottom lip.

"Sam... I've given up so much for you..." One of her hands raised to her wet, scarred cheek.

Jesus.

Sam wasn't heartless. Knowing he was breaking another woman's heart and soul was painstakingly brutal but he knew now more than ever where he belonged and who he belonged with. He had made a mistake that nearly killed them all; and it took that somber, frightening ordeal to sober up his clouded mind so that he could see really how beautiful and amazing he'd had it before.

Before the imprint.

Before, when he could breathe still after leaving his girlfriend's house. Where he wasn't a mutant canine. When it was sunny, almost all the time...;

Sam forced his steely chocolate eyes to soften; but not to show any give.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. You know I could apologize 'till the end of time, Emily, but that won't make those scars go away. If I knew what to do to make them disappear, believe me I would do it. You're important to me, perhaps you always will be. Imprint or not."

Her chin quivered once again, more tears pouring out of her hazel eyes.

"..But I don't love you."

The look in those big brown pools made Sam's heart clench; his will waver. But he knew he had to be strong. Hell, he'd made himself finally believe that yes, he was greedy. He knew that. While he had been with Emily, he'd desired Leah. (Yes he'd finally faced that truth too.)

And while he had been with the one true love of his life, he had desired fate's replacement and cheated behind Leah's back.

( _'fucking idiot.')_

"Sam you can't do this! Please! I'm  _begging_  you!.."

He looked away from her torn up face.

Sam Uley had spent too long living in the confines of rules and his own guilt. It was time to step out into the sun, face his hard truths and do everything he possibly could to make things right again. Starting with this, and fixing his LeeLee.

"I'm sorry."  _'Not really.'_ "Emily, please get your things together... I want you out of my home by tonight or at the latest, tomorrow. We're no longer engaged or romantically involved in any way. Like fuck I would love to see fate try to tell me different." He leant back against the counter as Emily let out a guttural sob of pain and humiliation.

"Oh and another thing, Emily; stop trying to intimidate me with your scars... It's in the past for me now and I know I'm not an animal for hurting you. Leah helped me see that."

She slapped him across the face quicker than he could blink. He sighed, again.

Then Sam focused on the small lilac purple bowl he and his now-ex fiancee kept on the counter for their odds and ends, sitting beside him on the granite slab.

He tilted his head and pursed his lips.

"Is that your housekey?" He didn't wait for an answer; he picked it out of the bowl and shoved it into the pocket of his deep green cutoffs.

Then Sam Uley walked out.

And left Emily Young crying and sobbing on the kitchen floor.

XXXXX

It was a little after supper time, when Sam returned to the Cullens and retired to Leah's hospital room. As much as it needed to be done, breaking off everything he and Emily had accomplished together was hard and tiring.

Would he miss it? Maybe.

Was it worth it? Not in the least.

Not when he had Leah.

He just wished he'd realized that truth earlier on, under less harsh circumstances... But hey, you take what you can get and Sam would still spend every night of the rest of he and Leah's life together thanking god and every other deity he could think of for, exactly them having a life to spend with one another.

As he neared the door down the long thin hallway, Sam heard the dull playing of the radio. Perhaps he wasn't going to get much sleep after all.

He pushed open the door, and walked inside. Leah looked up at him from the bed, sitting up slowly with her still somewhat-frail appearance.

_I don't know, what I've done;_   
_Or if I like, what I've begun.._   
_But something told, me to run_   
_And honey; You know me, it's all..;_   
_Or none._

"Hey..." Her voice was still so soft, like she was fresh off the battlefield.

Maybe she was.

"Hey." He kept his strong. She needed strength.

Sam ran his hand over the cushion of the mattress, and then climbed in beside his LeeLee as carefully as he could. He watched every movement of her face, watching for anything like pain as the bed dipped but thank god there was none. He bent his knees a little, and with a firm arm he beckoned his sweetheart closer to his chest.

Sam always loved that about her... The way she always melted in his hands, fell into his arms with a sort of eagerness that was disguised but oh so obvious to him.

"How are you feeling? Do you need anything LeeLee?" Her forehead met the hot space against his left collar bone, and Sam treaded his right hand carefully through her silky hair, pushing it back from her beautiful face.

Those lips, no longer chapped and plump again with a semblance of health turned upwards a little into a smile.

"No... Where did you go?"

"I went home."

Her face immediately dropped.

"No, baby, I went home to kick Emily out."

There was a small amount of shock visibly clear on her face as those ocean blue eyes widened and her lips drifted apart.

"It was time, LeeLee."

_There were sounds, in my head.._   
_A little voice; is whispering..._   
_That I should go, and this should end;_   
_Oh and I found myself, listening._

Then those pretty eyes sloped down to the white bedsheets. Leah looked sad... Sam was confused to no end. Was she regretting this...? Did she not want him...?

(Needless to say, he was expecting something closer to a huge hug and a kiss.)

But Leah would not give him that just yet. Inside the confines of her mind, Leah ran over everything they had been through once again. She and Sam, even  _before_  this whole mess. Her cooking skills. How clean she was. Leah knew she tried her hardest, she did... But at the end of the night, was she going to be exhausted and bitchy because she couldn't get a fucking grease stain out of one of Sam's (very few) nice shirts? ...Is that the kind of wife, the kind of lover, Sam Uley deserved...?

Leah knew Emily would find a way.

Fuck it, Leah wanted Sam with her all the time...! She wanted him back with everything she had and more and now she was really beginning to believe that was what he wanted too. Only... Was it for the best...? Is it, for the best?

God, she didn't want him to go back to Emily even if she was a better woman...!

_'Cause I don't know, who I am; Who I am, without you._   
_All I know, is that I should._   
_And I don't know if I could stand, another hand upon you;_   
_All I know, is that I should..._   
_'Cause she will love you, more than I could;_   
_She who dares to stand where I stood._

All Leah ever wanted... All the reasons why she never fought back when he'd left her, why she had never raised a violent hand to her backstabbing cousin or even to Sam.

She wanted him to be happy.

Even if that meant, removing herself from the picture.

_See I thought love was black and white...;_   
_That it was wrong, or it was right._   
_But you ain't leaving, without a fight and I think,_   
_I am just as torn, inside..._

"Leah... What's wrong? Are you alright?" He finally spoke after what seemed like a decade spent inside her own head (though that time could never compare to being chained in that dirty fucking basement), and she wanted the interruption.

Sometimes, maybe, Leah overthought.

About nothing at all.

Sam was oblivious to that fact though of course and as she looked back up at him, he was honestly scared.

He knew there was nothing wrong... If Leah was in pain Leah wouldn't of shown it. That was his LeeLee, the headstrong girl he'd fallen in love with and clearly never stopped. She would hide whatever it was until it was necessary to reveal; and then maybe just bury it down some more.

So this silence unnerved him completely. He was really and truly frightened of her next words.

His Leah probably finally saw the reality of this whole fucked up shit of a situation and decided that he would never deserve to have her back as his own.

_'Cause I don't know, who I am; Who I am, without you._   
_All I know, is that I should._   
_And I don't know if I can stand, another hand upon you;_   
_All I know, is that I should..._   
_'Cause she will love you, more than I could;_   
_She who dares to, stand where I stood._

"No... I'm okay." Leah's hand rested on his own as it kept stroking the black waterfall of her hair.

Jesus, what now...? ' _Please, don't leave me...'_

Sam was petrified.

"Then...?"

"Sam." Her held a little more strength than it had these last few days. Sam had to swallow, to keep his heart in his chest instead of his throat. "Sam... I... Are you sure, this is what you want...?"

Her voice was focused. Dimly, Leah remembered her thoughts holding the same disparity in the cave as she counted the days to be able to transform and steal Karl's attention from her hurt packmates.

_Concentration and validity._

Sam was taken aback.

"I... Leah, of course, I-"

"Because if it's not then that's okay."

_And I won't, be far from where you are if ever you should call._   
_You meant more to be than anyone I, I ever loved at all;_   
_But you taught me how to trust myself; and so I say to you..._   
_This is what I have to do...;_

Why did she keep saying everything was okay...? No. No it really wasn't!

"No. Leah, you are what I want. Forever and a day and I screwed that up before but now I can finally think clearly, I know what's best for you and for myself...!" ' _Don't yell Sam, volume won't make her understand.'_

Leah's stormy blue eyes softened. Jesus, Sam loved her eyes. Leah looked so... So wise, so all-knowing that he had to wonder when his lover had become so observant.

(He knew when; he didn't wanna think about it.)

_'Cause I don't know, who I am; Who I am, without you._   
_All I know, is that I should._   
_And I don't know if I can stand, another hand upon you._   
_All I know is that I should...!_   
_'Cause she will love you, more than I could!_   
_She who dares to stand where I stood..._

That was all she needed, really. Maybe. Sorta.

...Leah would just take his word for it. It wasn't like she wouldn't try her damndest to be the best woman of Sam Uley's life; the best wife, the best friend, maybe even the best mother he could've dreamt of. Her hardest, she hoped, would be good enough.

Sam pulled her a little closer, and the girl in his arms still felt that he should know.

"...If you ever feel, like maybe she's what you really want, instead of me..." Her angel-like voice got real slow, real quiet again and Sam leant in closer to her face just to hear. "...It's okay. I would let you go."

Sam's eyes creased as so many thoughts whirred by in his head, and he stuttered for words to say.

Leah yawned silent and slow.

"Love you Sammy..." She shut her blue eyes and was out like a light.

_Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood..._

Sam lay awake in the room with the radio that played something sounding suspiciously alike his LeeLee's voice, before falling asleep with a remote sense of contentment and the warm sunlight on his face.

* * *

**MS:** BY THE WAY GUYS; Review please :) They give me the urge to write faster. Not only that; but I'm always looking for people who are interesting in online roleplaying :) There's a notice on my profile, so you should go read that; it's only short and right at the top. I'd do it through skype for desktop, since it's easier than some crappy forum and this would only be between 2 people. I wanna do a wolfpack one of course :) Give Leah the ending she deserves; Sam or Jake. HAHA. Hit me up with a PM if you're interested :) Or even say in your review.

 


	2. From This Day On

 

 

Leah liked being lost in her own little world.

Especially when she slept.

Now more than ever, since finally being rescued from the Cree pack's clutches. Too many nights, she had spent in that dank, dark, painful basement. In agony, where she could feel their eyes on her all the time, hear them as they moved. It was amazing how the most common of sounds frightened her so much. A spoon clinking against a glass mug as tea was stirred; a creak on the stairs.

Sometimes when she was waking up, and she heard those things... For a brief moment she thought she was home. Her mom had come back to La Push for a night; her brother getting dressed and ready for his early-morning patrol.

But then she opened her eyes, and the cold, depriving hand of reality swept her dreamland away. And then she began to hear the wind and the rain.

Leah was trapped in a world that was not her own... And though she'd longed for death at times that was never what she'd wanted.

Thus came Leah's newfound anxiety, that she needed to control her surroundings. Make them as peaceful as she possibly could.

Now she slept with headphones in, music softly playing from her newly-purchased iPod. (God love Seth's little heart.)

_Come stop your cryin', it'll be alright._   
_Just take my hand, hold it tight._   
_I will protect you from, all around you;_   
_I will be here, don't you cry._

Leah was asleep for large periods of the day, and all of the night usually... She was still so tired. It was if it was only yesterday; the cold sting of the water as she leapt into the Atlantic ocean's estuary, the searing burn as the bullet punched into her shoulder and her legs gave out from underneath her in a tangly, groggy mess.

And then as quick as she'd thought of those memories, her mind got lost to the soft rhythm of Phil Collins. Her eyes were closed; her mind was focused, and the only thing serving to help her know she was awake was the mild discomfort that had settled in her shoulderblade.

_For one so small, you seem so strong..._   
_My arms will hold you, keep you safe, and warm._   
_This bond between us, can't be broken..._   
_I will be here, don't you cry._

_'Cause you'll be in my heart._   
_Yes you'll be in my heart._   
_From this day on, now and forever more..!_

_You'll be in my heart._   
_No matter what, they say._   
_You'll be here in my heart._   
_Always._

Then the atmosphere all changed.

Leah was not alone in her recovery room. You know that feeling, like someone's watching..? Like someone's walking over your grave? Shivers spiralled down Leah's back and goosebumps raised on her copper flesh.

No... She wasn't ready to face the world yet. ' _Just a little longer...'_

_Why can't they understand the way we feel?_   
_They just don't trust, what they can't explain._   
_I know we're different but, deep inside us,_   
_we're not that different at all._

_'Cause you'll be in my heart._   
_Yes you'll be in my heart._   
_From this day on, now and forever more..!_

_You'll be in my heart._   
_No matter what, they say._   
_You'll be here in my heart._   
_Always._

' _Keep your eyes shut, Leah... It's not your brother, and it's not Sam.'_ Yes, lying near-death in that cave she supposed had been good for something... It had completely revived her senses. Back when Leah first fell smitten with Sam, it was like magic; the way she could pinpoint his presence in a room. (Maybe it was a foreboding wolf thing? She didn't know.)

But it helped her figure out where he was and where he wasn't... And who's hot arms she'd laid in as she waited for Death's cold hand to swallow her whole. Sam had a natural heir of mystery; intrigue, danger and wisdom. He seemed like a leader.

Jacob was the 'true' Alpha, Leah knew that. But she also knew why Sam had phased first.

He was a good leader... An excellent leader. No one could take that away from him.

_Don't listen to them, 'cause what do they know?_   
_We need eachother, to have, to hold!_   
_They'll see in time..._   
_I know._

_When destiny calls you, you must be strong._   
_I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on!_   
_They'll see in time..._   
_I know._   
_We'll show them together._

But this presence... This feeling... It was familiar. Leah knew it well. She had been in this room before.

An heir of confidence; side-order of sass and a whole lot of stubborn.

Could only be Sue Clearwater.

Leah still didn't want to open her eyes.

_'Cause you'll be in my heart._   
_Yes you'll be in my heart._   
_From this day on, now and forever more..!_

_You'll be in my heart._   
_No matter what, they say._   
_You'll be here in my heart._   
_Always._

It was her mother, for sure. In Leah's daze of conscious times, to her comatose-like sleeping periods Leah'd heard, and felt souls come and go from her dreary little room. Sam was a pretty constant presence; so she always knew when he was gone, and he was gone now. Her brother was a steady piece of furniture too...

Guess her mother had driven them out finally.

Leah had felt her mom come in maybe once or twice already... Felt the damp hands as they stroked her cheek (wet with tears), heard the surprisingly sharp scraping of chair legs across the cushion tile floor. ( _'Stupid grey floor...')_

_Ooh you'll be in my heart. (You'll be here in my heart!)_   
_No matter what they say. (I'll be with you.)_   
_You'll be here in my heart, (I'll be there.)_   
_Always._

Now here Sue was again. God... Leah just wanted to sleep.

Part of her wanted to forgive... Part of her wanted to forget.

(Mostly sleep, though.)

Leah's fingertips on her right hand twitched over the headphone cords. It was almost time to the face the music; the grim melody of that which she hated lately: Reality.

_I'll be with you._   
_I'll be there for you always!_   
_Always and always._

_Just look over your shoulder._   
_Just look over your shoulder._   
_Just look over your shoulder._

_I'll be there, always._

Leah opened her blue eyes, and pulled out the headphones of the still-playing iPod.

Sue was just dropping down into the same chair she always hauled over to Leah's bedside. And as usual (Or well, as Leah had suspected;), the remaining Clearwater parent had tears running down her aged copper cheeks. It had been the first time Leah really laid eyes on her absentee mother in what seemed like months... Maybe it had been.

God, Sue looked awful. (Maybe worse than her daughter?)

Leah's mom had bags as black as the night sky under her old grey eyes, and even her skin seemed to have gained new wrinkles. Her lips were bitten and chewed, the dark patches a clear indicator of too much stress. Sue's hands were writhing together nervously in her lap as she sat down. Those eyes of her's locked onto her daughter's.

"Leah..." She spoke, mouth opening a little as if in shock. "You're awake baby... Finally..."

Leah fought back the urge to sigh. It wasn't that her mother's weariness and sadness didn't upset her... It was just...

"Yeah... Hey Mom..." Pulling herself upward (her stitches pained), Leah suppressed a wince to keep another teary, torrential downpour from her mother's eyes and prepared herself to listen to what Sue finally had to say.

The poor woman looked like she wanted to hug and kiss Leah to within an inch of her life.

(Like she needed that. To be that close to death. Again.)

"God baby I'd never been so scared in my life...!" Crap. More tears.

"It's okay, Mom... I'm fine yah know..." Was she  _really_  fine? ...Well Leah wasn't a hundred percent sure on that yet.

"No Leah, you are  _not_  fine! For all that is holy Leah you don't think I spent every waking moment wondering if you were okay and what was happening or being done to you! How could you run off like that!"

Ahhhh. And so it starts.

Her voice would rise in volume, she'd cry some more, call Leah stupid and a disgrace and just ' _why can't you be more like your cousin!'_...

Leah shook her head a little. She knew it was going to come to this. It always did. Because she was always in the wrong. Always.

At least in her mother's eyes.

Sue was just so... She was angry. And hurt. And worried. Her daughter had done something completely wreckless and pathetic and crazy, and nearly died because of it-

Her heard was still just sort of shaking. Sue paused her rant.

_'...What am I doing?'_

"Leah..." Sue sighed. She didn't come to see her daughter so she could bitch and bawl about all the bullshit Leah had put her through, all the sleepless nights and the constant wondering... She had come to say something quite different. "You know... Every day you were gone I stood in front of the living room window and I just watched that rain fall... Every day. Before I slept at night, well... More like if I did;" (That explained the huge-ass crow's feet), "..I prayed that somehow some way, you would be alright. I also-"

Leah thought:  _'Just try and listen Leah... She_ has _had a hard time... '_

But every second Leah listened to her mother talk about her hardship and that she tried to make herself believe her mother deserved some slack, the memories of how Sue had done nothing but wrong spread wider across Leah's mindset like the dark clouds that had swallowed La Push whole those few weeks ago.

Every time Sue had told Leah to stop her complaining.  
Every time her mother had suggested Leah spend more time with her backstabbing cousin.  
Every time Sue had tried to wrangle Leah in going over to Sam and Emily's.  
For all the times Leah's music was too loud.  
For all the times her daughter had missed family dinner with Charlie.  
For all the times Sue had allowed Emily, Sam, and even the pack tell Leah that the universe she used to dream about could never be.

Each, and every time, Sue had made it clear that Leah no longer belonged in Sam's world.

Leah's hand clenched the bedsheets.

"-Leah I was just so overcome...! Baby you are  _everything_ to me and you'll never know how hurt and scared I was...! How scared Charlie was, and Emily, and-"

"I'm fine Mom."

Sue stopped her chattering.

"Hm?"

"I said, mother, that I'm fine."

And as simple as that, the cold, hard edge had reentered Leah's voice. The scythe in Leah's attitude and words that worked so easily to cut everyone around her down to size. Because if Leah wanted to feel big and in control at all... They had to hurt too.

The shield Leah had given up on, just before the storm started...; was now back in place.

Sue looked taken aback at her daughter's grungy, evil-sounding tone and instantly her eyes started leaking again. ' _I thought I was getting my baby back...'_

"Leah please... Don't talk like that sweetheart. It's so impolite, and you're home now so you have  _nothing_ to be upset or stressed out about! I won't let  _anyone_  ever hurt you again!" Sue's words tried to hold a deliberate power, a contructed sense of conveyment that was made to literally combust Leah's firewall of animosity and hatred.

Months ago, maybe close to a year ago Leah would've said she would have liked to see her mother try. Because  _nothing,_  that could be said or done was going to make this better.

Now Leah hated herself because she was not so sure.

Did Sue Clearwater deserve forgiveness...?

Leah drew in a soft inhale to prepare herself for her next words, only to be cut off by her mother's frantic grabbing of her slow-healing hand; the melancholy music seeming like an eery background noise to the obviously heartbreaking situation.

"I know I've been horrible to you." Sue squeezed Leah's hand.

This time Leah jerked her head backward as if Karl was there right now, aiming another wicked blow to her face. Was her Mom seriously suggesting that maybe, once in a lifetime, Sue Clearwater had made a mistake...?

...That she'd been wrong?

"No... Mom it's fine-"

"It is  _not_ fine. And things won't ever be fine, until we fix what we lost... Even if our not seeing eye to eye was mostly my fault." Sue swallowed roughly. Her skin seemed thin; like it was strung too tight across her body and about to become tighter before she'd be awarded any slack. "My baby girl... Dr. Cullen told me how he noticed certain things... You weren't eating. How you didn't hang out with the boys, or your brother or anyone at all really... And his son heard in your head that you hadn't been sleeping well either."

Her voice cracked with almost every word as she listed off Leah's numerous signs.

"Baby, if I had known it was this bad I would've-"

"Mom... It's fine. Really." ' _No, it wasn't.'_ "I mean... You had your own stuff going on..."

_'Like planning my cousin's wedding to the man I loved... Dating your dead husband's best friend and ignoring your children. Full schedule.'_

"No Leah! Please..." Sue inhaled deeply; like swallowing her pride was a real, viscous bile lodged in her nose and throat and she was trying to breathe through the putrid stench. Because she had to. "Stop saying everything is fine... We both know it's not. I never listened to anything you wanted... I was so desperate to have you move on from Sam and for you to get your cousin back that I guess I just forced it on you."

_'Yeah... You did.'_

Sue twisted one hand into the soft brown of her long native skirt; balling the fabric beyond the point of ironing.

"I'm so, so sorry... When you asked me to keep Sam and Emily away from you, I should've listened. When you said you didn't want to be Emily's bridesmaid, I should not have insisted and made you...!" Sue released another heaving sob now and Leah watched the once too-proud-for-her-own-good Sue Clearwater break down again.

For the first time, as Leah watched her mother destroy herself, she wanted to reach out and comfort her.

"Mom... It's okay, I guess... I'm okay now." Her throat was dry, she was thirsty. Were these words really  _that_  hard to say...?

"Leah I was  _everything_ a mother should never be. I was cruel to you; and I just wish I could take all that back,  _believe me_  I wish...!"

That was the point of Leah's undoing. The melancholy feeling of sadness and the strong stink of shame and regret were almost palpable in the small room. Leah just never would've imagined she'd ever get those reactions from her mother... Not to mention from herself. That was probably what was the most shocking.

Sue had been a horrible mother, and a disgraceful mom. There was no questioning to that fact. But yet, seeing her cry made Leah want to forgive her. It confused her, really... Was the old saying true that you were biologically functioned to love your parents, no matter what said parents had done...? It was starting to seem that way.

Sue had meant well... Leah supposed.

"Mom... I forgive you." Sue looked up at Leah's soft, scratchy voice.

How could Leah ever,  _ever_  let what she had done go...?

"Look... I know we don't always get along... And I know I don't make it easy. It's not just you, Mom, it's really not." Leah took a soft, deep breath. Sometimes the smallest act (like breathing) still made her lungs and diaphragm ache. "I could've... I could've actually tried to listen when you wanted to talk. Maybe I shouldn't of skipped out on all those council meetings, and bonfires you asked me to go to..."

"Leah, baby-"

"Mom."

Leah's voice was quick then. Sue tilted her head, her long straight inky hair falling across her shoulders.

"Now is when I need you to listen. More than ever." Her daughter's voice got a little stronger; a little more stubborn and Sue saw the old Leah return. Her one true daughter. "You came here, to make peace with me... To say you're sorry so now just listen, please...?" Sue couldn't help but wonder if this was the type of steely determination that kept Leah's heart alive and beating throughout her terrible ordeal.

(She didn't think that maybe Leah just couldn't let her family go.)

"I'm sorry... Go ahead sweetheart." Sue gave her a nod, and also for the first time in a long time her unrequited attention.

"Okay... You  _did_ , do wrong, Mom... And I tried everything to make you see my side of the story. I'm a little mad, and a little upset that it took your daughter's near-death experience to make you actually pay attention..."

Sue visibly cringed; her girl's words burning her to the bone.

"...But you've been there for me."

The aged Quileute woman found herself tilting her head once more. Sue knew she had no right; but still she had all the hope in the world for her daughter's forgiveness. All the time. All the renewed patience. And all the love Leah would ever need or ask for.

"Mom, bad things happen. They do. I know that better than  _anybody._ " Sometimes all the hardships Leah had faced still made her want to cry; but she couldn't. It was time to get through to her Mom. "And maybe we got torn apart for a little bit... But I think maybe we can fix it... I know we can." Sue's heart swelled. Her baby was actually giving her a second chance. After everything Sue had ever said; all the nights she left Seth and Leah home alone to fend for themselves and after everything she'd put her only daughter through, Leah still offered her forgiveness.

"When I was four, and I scraped my knee... You cleaned it for me. Then you gave me ice cream and I felt better. When I was six, and Seth took my toys because he was so young you just bought me new and better ones." Leah couldn't help but smile... When she wanted to think of her Mom; the Sue in front of her who laughed and smiled, kissed her father and made ice cold lemonade for Leah, Seth and their friends on hot days the memories came so easy. "And when I was twelve you told me I was pretty and that I was gonna find love some day; even though it can hurt sometimes."

Leah smiled, because then her mother smiled.

"I remember... You cried so much when you were young; always bawling." They laughed; well Leah made an attempt but it still came out more coughing hack then chuckle. Sue's eyes laced with concern for a moment. Then, she looked down at her own hand.

Leah's eyes followed, and then widened.

"...I should tell you, now that you're talking to me." Sue smiled weakly; a nervous little thing. "Charlie proposed to me. Last week."

Leah's heart faltered; just the smallest bit.

"...Congratulations, Mom, that's great-"

"We're putting the wedding on hold. If-if it's even okay with you, me getting remarried..."

"What...?" Leah scrunched her face in apparent confusion. Her mother really was trying... She actually asked Leah's opinion on her marital life. Love life, Leah supposed was a more accurate term. But as Leah watched her mother run a tender finger over the thick golden band adorned with bright crystal, Leah couldn't help but feel guilty. "Mom... Why are you putting off the wedding...?"

"Because I want you to be healthy again before I even consider anything else important, Leah... Honestly; you're worth more than my wedding... Even if it hasn't always seemed that way."

Leah was shocked again... Because she didn't really want her mother to put it off.

"No..."

Sacrifice.

It was a dirty word to Leah, after everything she had given up.

Her love; so Sam and her cousin could be happy.  
Her fertility; to live the life of a giant un-changing wolf. (Well until recent studies...)  
Her friendships; to keep herself from getting hurt again.  
Her free time; once again to live the life of a giant un-changing wolf.

...Sacrifices hurt.

And Leah did not want more of them (hello pack, brother and lover nearly killing themselves to find her) made for her.

"What do you mean, 'No'...?" God... Sue had been praying Leah was okay with her marrying Charlie... She was going to wait of course. If Leah had... God forsake her, never been found;... There would have never been a wedding.

Ever.

"...I don't think you should put off your wedding, Mom..."

"...But I-... Leah, why not?" Sue questioned, eyes roaming over her daughter's frail frame out of apparent concern and clear confusion.

"Because... Look Mom; just go get married, okay...? Maybe it's been long enough now..."

(In reality it would never be long enough. Watching her mother love another man, once her father's best friend would always hurt; propose a deep ache that panged every time Leah had to bare witness to a look or a hug. Let alone the white dress and the vows; then the kiss.)

"But Leah I want you there..." Sue reacted quickly to her mistake. "Only if you want to be, of course...!"

"Mom... I mean it this time. Things are fine."

For some reason it was now that Leah's apparent millionth brush with exhaustion made itself known; the girl yawned, a silent, drawn out one. Her eyes hooded a little; but she hadn't talke to her Mom in days... Leah'd ignored her, practically... And now with them on the verge of making a recovery in their relationship Leah didn't want to fall asleep on her.

Even though hooded eyes didn't lie.

"No. Leah; we agreed to make our relationship better... This is one thing I will not be argued with about." Sue gave her the first cocky smile of the night and just like  _bam_ Sue Clearwater was back. Leah couldn't help it; her second attempted laugh was cut with another yawn instead of a cough this time. "You're tired baby... I better leave so you can get some rest."

Yah know, despite what people said (' _you and your mother are practically the same person')_  Leah never really considered she and her Mom alike. Sue was harsh and brash and sometimes downright inconsiderate; Leah thought of herself as brazen, but headstrong and always thinking of other peoples' feelings before her own. But as Sue arose from her chair, and walked towards the door... The light from the sun of a sky with no storm caught her eyes.

Her deep brown, hazel hues sparkled a pure, crystallized blue.

Maybe Leah was a little more like her mother than she'd thought.

With a smile on her tired face, Leah laid back down; slipped her still-playing head phones in and closed her eyes; losing herself to sleep in the rhythm of the music.

_I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on._   
_I hear your laugh and look up smilin' at you; I'm runnin' round._   
_Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, and now; the sky is gold;_   
_I hug your legs and fall asleep; on the way home._

_I don't know why, all the trees change in the fall;_   
_I know you're not scared, of anything at all._   
_Don't know if Snow White's house is nearer or far away;_   
_But I know I had the best day; with you._   
_Today._

_I'm thirteen now and I don't know how my friends, could be so mean._   
_I come home cryin' and you hold me tight; and grab the keys._   
_And we drive and drive until we found a town, far enough away;_   
_And we talk and windowshop till I've forgotten, all their names._

_I don't know who, I'm gonna talk to now at school;_   
_But I know I'm laughin', on the car ride home with you._   
_Don't know how long it's, gonna take to feel okay but I know I had the best day;_   
_With you, today._

_I have an excellent father; his strength is makin' me strong._   
_God smiles on my little brother, inside and out he's better than I am!_   
_I grew up in a pretty house, and I had, space to run and I;_   
_Had, the best days, with you._

_There is a video I found from back when, I was three;_   
_You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're, talkin' to me;_   
_It's the age of princesses and pirate ships, and the seven dwarfs;_   
_And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in,_   
_The whole wide world...;_

_I don't know why, all the trees change in the fall._   
_I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong!_   
_And I love, you; for givin' me your eyes...;_   
_Stayin' back, and watchin' me shine and;_   
_I didn't know if you knew;_   
_So I'm takin' this chance to say:_   
_That I had the best day; with you._

_Today._

 


	3. Seeing Myself So Differently

**MS:** And here is the grand ol' chapter 3 :) Thanks so much for allll the support so far guys, even this early on it's been amazing. I know a lot of you were wondering how things went with some of the other members of the pack... Well this chapter takes a look at Jared ;)

* * *

He didn't know how long he sat there, quiet.

Because with all honesty, he wasn't a hundred percent sure how he'd make the words come out of his mouth just right; enough to state his case. He'd seen enough, heard enough, and felt enough... Jared had made his choice. Maybe it would hurt a little; but Sam said he hadn't felt even the smallest twinge of pain when his imprint frayed at the edges until it was nothing more than a faded watermark background to Leah's presence and pain. His one true love.

Because, that was what she was to Sam; he'd always loved her. Sam just... Got swept away in the tide a little, lost himself to a magical temptation that was unlike any drug, whore or casino.

Jared supposed that made Sam a much bigger man then any recovering addict.

Jared chose to think of it like that, anyway.

He sighed internally; kinda scared to make too intimidating of a sound, and rose his eyes to his raven-haired imprint sitting across from him. His dry hands were twiddling on the table; her manicured fingers strummed a thin-patience beat across the wood and the sound was almost enough to make Jared crack.

(So many useless fucking things... Just because. It was always ' _just because_ ' with Kim.)

To make himself ignorant to the sound, he tried to focus on the soft chirping of birds outside the cracked kitchen window; the soft music lolling out from a car parked down on the street.

How long would it be 'til one of them gave in and yelled and cursed and bitched?

It was always her first.

_I just wanna be alone tonight..._   
_I just wanna take a little breather._   
_Cuz lately all we do is fight..._   
_And everytime it cuts me deeper._

She was giving him this ugly-looking stare... Yah know since Jared returned home, he didn't look at her the same. Kim was... Kim. She was plain. Useless, bitchy in an unflattering way to her unflattering persona and he wondered just  _what the hell he was thinking._

She wasn't even  _pretty._ (She didn't have green eyes.)

Kim was angry as all hell. He'd come home an hour ago from the small get-together Sue had at her place for Leah's first day home. It wasn't a party; wasn't any grand shindig and to be brutally honest, Kim, Rachel and especially her cousin Emily were not allowed within a hundred feet of the house.

(Not by Leah's command; by Sam's.)

"I just don't get it. You spend  _all_ your time with them! You nearly  _died_  trying to get her home when she's never ever done a goddamn thing for anybody! Jared... I love you, but you're too fucking nice you know that...? God..." Kim smacked her fake nails particularly hard against the table once, before dragging them through her thin black hair. "I just wish you'd... I dunno,  _grow a pair_  or something Jared! You've risked enough for Leah and her cheating boyfriend now stop being a doormat for awhile, okay?"

See, only now could Jared really determine the difference between a kind, caring girlfriend who wanted what was best for him and everyone else, and a girlfriend who wanted a servant twenty-four hours a day with an endless listening span and no manners whatsoever to everyone discluding her.

Yes. He'd made his decision.

Kim kept talking; as usual Jared fought to get a word in.

"I think it's time I-"

"Honestly, Jared... I don't know if I can love someone who treats me this way." Her thin lips pursed, looking directly into his eyes, unwavering with an unsympathetic stare. Gauging his reaction.

_Cuz something's changed,_   
_You've been actin' so strange,_   
_And it's taken it's toll on me._   
_It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave._

There it was... It always came back to that. Kim, threatening to leave him.

Scaring him into giving her her way because hey; up until a few weeks ago, Jared believed he didn't have any choice. He either gave his imprint her every pound of flesh; or he remained alone and heartbroken, destroyed inside for all eternity.

He tilted his head; pursed his own lips.

"Well?" She persisted.

Sometimes he wondered if she'd always been that way. When he first imprinted, gave her the time of day... Was she  _always_ so vain and cocky? So prideful...? Or did she really just decide he was her leashed and trained puppy halfway through and decide he was meant to stand behind her and not beside her?

Lately though, Jared thought about more pressing things. Like when he first started feeling like maybe he should be pulling at those steel cables fate had tied him to her with and trying every move and muscle he had in his tanned body to get them to snap completely.

He supposed it was when he saw Sam kiss Leah for the first time in the cave. Maybe when she kissed him back, or maybe when his alpha was deadset upon letting no one else even lay a finger on Leah while she was hurt.

Either which way... Jared was thankful.

"Well," He mocked, "...Leave."

Kim's eyes scrunched as if she couldn't even process the words; a mental computer flashing 'Error'.

"Huh?"

"I said, go ahead and leave." ' _It won't be long before I leave you anyway. Might as well take all the glory you can get and go first.'_

Sam was happy. Leah was hurt, broken, and safe and all his again. Sam was ecstatic. Happier than Jared had seen him... In the two years after he'd left Leah for Emily. Jared took that to the bank.

_Without you, I live it up a little more every day._   
_Without you, I'm seein' myself so differently._   
_I didn't wanna believe it then;_   
_But it all worked out in the end._   
_When I watched you walk away well I never thought I'd say, 'I'm fine';_   
_Without you..._

"...What? Are you  _insane!"_  Kim nearly yelled across the table; they were like a foot away from eachother, there was really no need but hey that was always Kim's way. Jared could see it now.

He was so, so thankful.

"Not since the last time I checked." He crossed his arms, leant them on the table.

"What!" Kim gave him a shriek that rivaled nails on a chalkboard and Jared had to fight back the urge to wince. "You have  _no right_  Jared to  _ever_ give me ultimatums! With all the shit from you that I put up with..." Her head was shaking now. "You're lucky I stuck around this long!"

Was she lying?  
Of course.

She couldn't let Jared leave her.

"I mean, Jared... I don't ask for much.  _Time,_ that we can spend together every night so we can start our family! For you to  _not_ spend so much time at Emily's or Leah's! I mean, you're my boyfriend...! My soon-to-be husband... But all you do is patrol and hang out with your friends..."

She actually had the nerve to sound like she pitied him.

"First of all Kim, I wasn't giving you a friggen ultimatum." Her eyes widened a little at the use of the minor swear. "I said, 'if you want to leave, then leave.' I mean that literally I'm done trying to stop you and I'm not changing the way I live for you either."

She was... Absolutely flabbergasted. The dimwitted woman had actually never even considered the fact that Jared was a living being who had needs, wants and desires all on his own. His entire fuckin' existance did not revolve around her.

That thought frightened her.

"And no; I'm not gonna be your husband. I told you a million and one times that I'm not ready to get married; but you keep pushing and pushing and pushing!" Jared almost growled. He was surprised at how... At how easy the anger came now.

Before, it would be a pounding boil of blood beneath his veins that his body and throat just couldn't seem to let bubble to the surface. A blockade fate had supposedly permanently gifted him with to keep from hurting or growing angry at his imprint.

(Because when they got angry, bad shit happened; look at Emily. Look at Leah.)

"But we're  _soulmates_  Jared just how long to you plan to wait!" Kim shrieked again. Her voice grated on his nerves, a high octave that wasn't at all tinkly and downright chilling. Not even in the creepy way, just the way that makes you feel uncomfortable and annoyed.

"I plan to wait, Kim, until I find somebody who's worth marrying."

That shut her up again as her small eyes, almost uneven-looking in her broad face with her wide nose, teared up. Maybe reality was  _finally_ setting in.

"Oh and as for too much patrolling, try and include the small fact that I'm a  _shapeshifter_  it's what I was made to friggen do!" Jared seethed, "I need to keep this rez and my people safe. I do it to keep  _you_ safe Kim and you're so damn ungrateful!"

"I am  _not-_ "

"YES YOU ARE." The words came out a roar; Kim gasped.

Never, had she ever heard Jared get... Loud? He was always happy, jokey, all-around nice Jared.

Not now.

_Called you up cuz it's been long enough;_   
_And you said that you were so much better._   
_We have done a lot of growing up;_   
_We were never meant to be together._

_Cuz something changed,_   
_You were actin' so strange,_   
_And it's taken its toll on me._   
_It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave._

He'd forgiven her time and time again... God he always forgave her. For everything she said, every unpolite comment; for every night she slept on the couch until he bought her what she wanted or until he played into her widespread hands again.

What did he get in return...? Hell... When Jared came back, almost only half-alive from facing off against the Cree pack and damn near starved to death and emotionally scarred for life after witnessing the rape and attempted murder of his packsister Kim just looked at him like she was wondering when he would've finally returned home. Not because she was worried; because she was lonely and things needed to be fixed up around the house.

The very day after his return, he'd fixed the front step and ran to the store for petunia seeds.

"Kim... I've tried my best to make you happy. But  _nothing_  is ever good enough...!"

Kim was pretty much struck too aghast to really say much else... So she sat there and listened. Only then did Jared remember the Kim he'd known before he imprinted on her. Well... _Not_ known was more like it. Kim had sat beside him in math class for an entire year without even saying a word to him. Or a word to many other people, actually. The only thing Jared had ever really noticed about the girl was that her hair was as lifeless as wet newspaper and so was her personality.

Then he phased.

And she became everything.

Jared almost laughed.

"You know Kim... I  _never_ would've talked to you if it weren't for the imprint. Wouldn't have even  _looked_  at you! You..." He was doing it... His chest wasn't hurting. "You are actually a horrible person, and I dunno know why fate chose to tie me to you but it ends today. I'm done. For good. Take all your crap and get out of my house."

"Jared, please you're not thinking right now! I know I've been hard on you, but-" ' _I can't lose him.'_ -"We're meant to be together! You  _know_  it you know how much I love you...!"

She was almost screaming again. Kim was always, always,  _always_ screaming or bitching about something. The damn woman just could  _not_ be happy.

It often made Jared feel like a failure.  
But now, he could finally see how wrong he'd been.

_Without you; I live it up a lil more every day._   
_Without you; I'm seein' myself so differently._   
_I didn't wanna believe it then;_   
_But it all worked out in the end._   
_When I watched you walk away well I never thought I'd say, 'I'm fine'..._   
_Without you..._

_Cuz something changed,_   
_You were actin' so strange,_   
_And it's taken its toll on me._   
_It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave._   
_Whoaaaaa yeahhhhhhh!_

Kim arose from her seat at the table now just as he did, and grabbed at his arm; her small hands clambering to pull him away from the door.

"You  _CAN'T_  leave me...!" She wailed. And cried. And screamed. And wailed some more. Hell... Leave it to Kim to try and start another fight at the most important time when talking was needed instead. But like Jared though; that was just her way. The girl had fought so hard to get his attention, scribbling his last name with her's in all her notebooks and other stupid shit like that and now that she finally had Jared in her clutches, it was like she would rather die than to let him go.

Even if making him stay with her was making him miserable.

No... She could never be the woman he loved.

(Jared also preferred green eyes to brown.)

"I'm leaving Kim. I can't live with you; you know what? Sell the damn house, keep it I don't give a shit. I'm gonna move back in with mom, or stay with one of the guys maybe... Bein' in this house once you're gone is only gonna remind me of the years I wasted."

He spat his words and made for the door.

_Without you; I live it up a lil more every day._   
_Without you; I'm seein' myself so differently._   
_I didn't wanna believe it then;_   
_But it all worked out in end..._   
_When I watched you walk away well I never thought I'd say, 'I'm fine'..._   
_Without you._

_Without you._   
_Without you..._   
_Without you..._

Jared pulled his arm out of her's, and walked out the door into the sunlight. As he watched the twinkling, clear sky above he remembered himself as the man he was before his love was thrust upon one not worthy.

Confident.  
Reliable.  
Strong.

Free.

And for once in a long time, everything he did was for him and him alone.

It felt good.

_I just wanna be alone tonight...  
I just wanna take a little breather..._

 

* * *

 

 **MS:** And ta-dah! Jared finally makes the choice that believes will be best for him :) Reviewreviewreview! Please and thank you? :) The next chapter will take us back with Leah and Sam. PS: Roleplay! Any takers?


	4. Beat Inside Me

She figured some small part of her (big part) would always be bothered by the rain.  
The wet drops cascading down from the sky, no matter how soft or hard, still brought memories to the surface inside of Leah that she would've rathered leave forgotten and buried. Not that she'd ever be so lucky, but... Leah still hoped.  
Even now, as she lay in bed, legs entwined with her lover and his strong arm slung over her waist, hot, muscled chest pressed to her back Leah's eyes couldn't leave the rainy windowpane. It wasn't horrible out; No epic, torrential downpour to rival the storm that had caused all of La Push so much grief over her but it was epic to Leah. Even if it was just her. The small droplets of cold water, running down the glass and misting with other tiny puddles to form shapes, expressions, all reflections of the great nature of the outdoors.  
All memories that made her shiver.

  
_She was so wet. It was raining so hard, even as she struggled she could barely see. Her hand was pulsing... God it hurt so bad. Leah didn't understand it, she'd had broken bones before... Maybe it just hurt more now 'cause she was panicking._   
_It wasn't like she was willing to spend a lot of time debating that in her head. She wanted to wipe her eyes clean... Was it blood? Or was it rainwater? He was heavy on top of her back and she just wanted him off. Leah couldn't even detect a pattern inside her own head to her thrashes and struggles to shake Karl off her._   
_But he wouldn't budge._   
_Leah heard him take off his belt though._   
_It was like something clicked, then, and for a moment she'd never felt so terrified. Her surroundings blurred, her vision dimmed and all she had in her heart was FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT. So she did._   
_But he still never moved._   
_Hell he had his friends help hold her still._   
_Her face was still wet. Was it blood? Was she crying? Was it rain? Leah felt a sudden, slick burn as Karl shoved himself inside her-_

"Sam...?", she asked, not taking her eyes off the dappled grey windowpane. Shadows of the slithering forms of rainwater danced across the floor, and she noted the large black mass that appeared on the hardwood as Sam raised his head.  
"Yeah LeeLee...?" His voice was soft; it was always soft.  
"How do you think someone... Someone can just do that to somebody...?" He had to strain to hear her words. The arm he kept over Leah's small waist drew careful fingertips along her stomach, trying to soothe her. He could tell in her voice when Leah wanted comfort. He always could.  
"Do what...?" He said softly, pressing himself closer to her.  
"Rape somebody."  
In the blink of an eye the serenity of the room seemed to disappear a little; Sam felt like his own arm over Leah must've felt like a prison to her and maybe he was too close to her. Was he too close? Was he too loud, too touchy-feely? (Yet his response was pulling her back a little tighter to his chest.)  
His mind began to reel from the simpleness of that one brutal little query. Unease had settled over the couple in the bed and Sam could almost feel himself start to hyperventilate. Carlisle had said talking helped... Yeah, he had to let her talk... But what could he say? What if he said something wrong? What if he made her feel worse...?  
Leah had only been out of the hospital ward at Carlisle's for a week, and this was the first night she'd spent sleeping over at casa de Uley sans Emily Young. Was it too much, too soon...?  
 _'God Sam... Pull yourself together... Jesus.'_  
What made everything even worse... Was the fact that he didn't know the answer.  
"I... I don't know, LeeLee... Some things just don't make sense, I guess..." She was quiet again. Sam's fist clenched at her stomach. Just how could people do that? Why would you ever want to hurt someone like that...!? ...How was he supposed to answer...?  
It always started like that. It may have been the first time Leah directly brought up her ordeal herself, but there was always someone. Some person at the grocery store. Some asshole on the sidewalk. Someone always brought it up.  
 _"What a pity. Poor girl's still hospitalized, I heard."_  
 _"Sue Clearwater was almost off her rocker most of the time she was gone. Her brother too."_  
 _"Won't matter now, Leah will be crazy enough for the works of em if it's true that she was raped and beaten. That sorta thing just doesn't go away."_  
Everytime Sam heard a comment like that he wanted to punch the person who said it in the face. Knock their teeth out, strangle them with his bare hands. Let them go through what his LeeLee had to go through.  
Because it was _fair._  
What happened to Leah wasn't fair.  
As he pondered, he confirmed himself; it always started like that. Hesitation... His worry, his panic. Then it progressed to an anger and rage so deep and dark his black fur finally made sense to him.  
Sam was murderous. If only he could find them now... If only he knew where those pricks had run off to, he would-  
"Do you think, maybe... Maybe that sorta thing, happened to them once...?"  
He looked down at her again. Sam wasn't aware his eyes had slipped to the pelting windowpane, actually... He wasn't aware that the rain could actually be heard outside till now either.  
Gave him the chills.  
Maybe Leah was right, though... That's how freaks became freaks, right? How serial killers started, how hundreds of people ended up dead. Some poor sap's horrible upbringing. Had they all been treated like that? Victims of slander, abuse and sexual torture?  
Sam didn't know how long he pondered her words. It was a really valid point... Like father like son. Maybe Karl's dad had had an itchy trigger finger. Maybe he was a drunk. A fiend. Maybe Janice's mom was one of those crack addicts that sold out her own daughter for drug money. The list went on and on and on.  
Sam got angrier, and angrier. Leah's warm, soft hand rested on his arm. He must've been shaking.  
See, all of that... It never gave those fuck-ups any excuse. It didn't. Not at all.  
Because Sam's dad was an asshole too. A real grade-A fuckwad who did nothing with his life except drink, smoke, and beat the important people in it till even he saw no more reason to stick around such a useless place. Joshua Uley had been a tyrant. Sam had watched his father beat his mother to the point of blood; and then he'd seen his own bruises in the mirror if he tried to intervene, as a child. No more than five.  
He watched his old man bring home women... Other women to tease and aggrivate his mom, even if he didn't understand what was going on back then but now he did... Jesus, Sam had witnessed things as a child that should've fucked him up.  
But it didn't.  
At least... He didn't think it did... Leah used to tell him he was nothing like his father. Even after he'd hurt Emily, and he'd felt remorse and guilt so strong he cried at night not because he hurt the woman he loved but because he was scared of turning into the man he hated. Leah still told him he was no Josh Uley.  
He was Samuel Uley.  
One smart kid, one bright bulb and with a whole lot of positive leadership qualities to offer.  
So... If Sam was put through hell and back as a kid, and turned out alright...  
What the fuck was their excuse?  
"Maybe, Lee... I dunno. It will never make it okay. I don't care if their damn father was Hitler... it doesn't make it okay." He spoke lowly to her, the restless hairs at her neck and ears moving with his soft, huffing breath. Sam went back to watching her then... She was so lost inside her thoughts. Her blue eyes never came back to his. They stayed on the floor, watching the delocalized shadows of the rain.  
"Mmm... I remember watchin' movies, and crime shows... Hearing girls scream when it happened to them... It used to make me cold inside." Sam actually felt the shiver shoot up her spine. "...Did I scream like that...? Didn't he get cold inside too...? I hated that feeling... Why didn't he?"  
Every word she spoke was like another dagger to Sam's slowly-repairing heart; another cold drop of rain that had imaginarily sprung a leak from his roof, landing on his forehead and jolting him from rest. It was pain.  
Sam never wanted to hear her scream. (But he had.)  
And once again, Sam wanted to douse himself in that freezing rainwater and twist that dagger because he had no way to answer her. No way to make all of her pain and nervousness run from the hills; No plausible escape route for her. Once again he was sitting on the damn fence with his thumb up his ass, and goddamn useless. He absolutely hated it.  
"Because he was just..." Sam growled; a wolfy sound that seemed to come from the angry inner beat within. "They were just fucked up people, Leah... They need help. But only after they get what they deserve."  
(Sam didn't want to get them help; Sam wanted to get them grave sites.)  
"Mmm... D'ya think they ever think about me?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"If they have any regrets... They took off, didn't they? They don't know if I lived or died..." Leah's voice was so estranged from the bold, bright and sarcastic girl he'd known before this whole disaster. She was making a recovery... Sam knew that. The girl wouldn't of been lying in bed, in his arms if she hadn't been. But still... Every now and again Leah talked and it seemed like all the happiness had gone from the world.  
"You know... I wish I knew how to help you."  
She looked up at him, head turned a little to see over her shoulder. (He noticed the way her eyes inconspicuously overlooked the marred scar of her bullet wound, underneath the thin string of her pajama shirt.)  
"You saved me."  
"No. You saved us. And I still feel like I'm here and I can't return the favor. ...Please just keep in mind that I wish I could... I really, really wish I could." Sam's voice got even lower and softer at the end and Leah hated it when he took that tone. She never wanted to mention it to Sam... But sometimes it made her feel like she wasn't doing as good as she could be. Like she was still only taking babysteps to getting back to her old self. She'd been doing good, hadn't she? She slept over his house... They kissed... She let her Mom throw a welcome home party with the entire pack....  
Just why did he think he was never enough? When he was still everything she'd ever wanted.  
Leah didn't know what to say... Frankly, after the outburst that drove her into the storm of her life she didn't have it in her to argue his statement.  
"I love you." She whispered.  
Sam pulled her closer.

_My love; Leave yourself behind._   
_Beat inside me; Leave you blind._   
_My love; You have found peace._   
_You were searching, for release._

Carlisle told Sam she would be jumpy; Unused to kind touches again and maybe rebuff a helping hand simply because she could. Regaining control. Learning all over again, the feeling of getting used to your loved ones and their affection. Fear.

**As soon as she stepped in through the door, Seth flew to her. He wrapped his arms around her like she was the greatest thing he'd ever seen; Hell, she probably was... Because the last time he'd seen her she hadn't been looking so good, and that was a fact. It hurt Sam, though... It probably hurt Seth more. She cringed; as soon as his arms came into contact with her stiff, uneasy frame Leah's body jerked a little like a bolt of electricity had run through her... Like 'this is Seth; he's your brother. This isn't Karl. And Seth would never do anything to hurt you.' ....**

_You gave it all; Gave into the call._   
_You took a chance and, you took the fall for us._   
_You came thoughtfully; Loved me faithfullly,_   
_You taught me honor...;_   
_You did it for me._

  
Carlisle told Sam she would be disassociated from her usual self; And would experience a serious lack of confidence. The most common behaviours before will seem terrifying... Nerve-wracking, and Leah might carry a feeling of disbelief for just how she could've been the way she was. Of course, being vulnerable, or attention-grabbing would be a strict No.

**She always loved the beach. It was like Leah's second home. You could find her there, diving, swimming, exploring the rocks or sunbathing any given time of day or night because that was just who she was. Partial nudity came with it; No one could rock a bikini like the infamous Leah Clearwater. Sam and the guys found themselves missing that when Leah wore a pull-over black, baggy hoodie to the beach supper they'd planned, and denim capris to boot....**

_Tonight, you will sleep for good..._   
_You will wait...;_   
_For me my love._

_Now I am strong; You gave me all._   
_You gave all you had..._   
_And now I am home...._

  
Carlisle said patients can go two different ways. Some veer away from human contact after sexual assault or abuse, and don't want to be touched or comforted. Or even socialize. He said others tend to fair just a bit differently, and feel the obsessive need to stick close to anyone and anything that the victic might perceive as safety. Or love and affection.

**She spoke about it; Or expressed her need for it but Sam wasn't allowed to leave the room. Not after Leah was allowed out of bed, that is. In bed she seemed okay; Lost inside her own mind and her own dreams. But in a sea of people, or somewhere public she was knitted to Sam's side. Her hand in his, his arms around her just because he was warm. He was warm, and he was safe. If, god forbid some reason Sam couldn't be around for a few hours, Seth or Jacob took his place. Hand in hand, arms around her. Yeah she never spoke about it... But it was painfully obvious that she needed protecting....**

_My love; Leave yourself behind._   
_Beat inside me; Leave you blind._   
_My love, look what you can do;_   
_I am mending, I'll be with you._

  
Carlisle said that maybe she wouldn't dream ever again; Or, if she did, they would be horrible, screaming nights that forced her to return to the darkest depths of hell inside her own mind all over again. Nights of rolling over constantly, legs and arms kicking and whimpers into the silent night around her. Maybe they wouldn't ever stop.

**Sometimes when she slept Sam put his head to her chest; Just to see if she was still there. She was so still... So eerily still that it seemed like her living, Leah coming back to him had been all some sick, twisted fantasy... A fairtytale dream. She never made a sound when she slept. Every now and again, on the nights where Sam would lie awake because it was raining and he expected the worst, he might've caught a tear drop or two leaking down her cheek. That was it.**

_You took my hand; And added a plan._   
_You gave me your heart._   
_I asked you to dance, with me._   
_You loved honestly; Did what you could release._   
_Aaah... Ooohhhhh...._

  
Sam looked down at her. She'd fallen asleep in his arms. He felt bad for a moment... He didn't think he'd answered her.  
But he did... Oh god, he did. He adored her. Loved her. Irrevocably. He would've liked to dare Romeo and Juliet, or Bella and Edward to his and Leah's love. They've suffered more; Been through harder trials and true love won out in the end.  
They'd learned to live for and with eachother; They'd saved eachother.  
Sam knew he had to keep saving. Even now... As Leah lay asleep under the hard curve of his arm, her small back pressed tightly to his chest he saw the tears gently rolling down her cheeks. Would he ever tell her she cried when she slept? He didn't need to... He saw Leah wake up in the mornings, drag herself to the bathroom rubbing at the dryness on her cheeks. Wiping at her face with a cool cloth. Sam could read it on her face.  
Her red eyes, the dark circles... She knew she wept when she slumbered. Of course she did.  
But Leah would always be Leah... And keep that minor issue to herself instead of talking it out because that was her; That was her way. Leah Clearwater; Strong, and brave... Determined to live life on her own after the day life broke her in half.

  
_I know; In peace, we'll go._   
_I won't... Relive this loss._

  
Leah would get better. Sam knew it.  
Even if it was one step at a time, he just knew it... He thought honestly, they all did in a way. Because she was Leah; She always bounced back. Nothing could tear her down, she'd proved that. All alone, she'd done and accomplished so, so much...  
So with the right helpers along the way, only god knew what else she could be. What else she could do.  
Leah will sleep beside him in bed; Kiss him, and tell him she loves him. She'll make herself laugh and play with her pack brothers because that's what she was to them; She was love and she was strength. Maybe they hadn't seen it before... But they did now.  
(Sam saw it all along; But who was he to judge?)

_Now I am strong._   
_You gave me all..._   
_You gave all you had;_   
_And now I am whole._

_(beat inside..)_

  
_My love, leave yourself behind._   
_Beat inside me, I'll be with you...._

Sam gently kissed her forehead and let her cry. If bottling things up, at least for awhile, was how Leah dealt... Then Sam would let her. If it was how she recovered, Sam would watch and help every way he knew how.

Just another baby step, just another sunny or rainy day.


	5. Look Ahead

_Ring._   
_Ring._   
_Ring._

'Come on Embry, please be home... You're always home.'

_Ring._   
_Ring._

'Dammit...'   
Claire tugged on Quil's pants leg, and he looked down at her from the receiver for a moment. He really had to get a cell phone.  
"Is my Mama soon gon' be here?"  
Quil couldn't help but smile. Even at the growing age of four Claire's baby-talk managed to turn his frown upside down.  
Actually, void of the last ten minutes Quil had had a pretty decent day... He woke up, the sun was shining, had a big breakfast courtesy of his Mom and then he jogged to Claire's house in Makah. Now here he was, at the 'Playland Palace' in Port Angeles with his little Claire-bear hanging onto his leg. Her Mom had been kind enough to drive the long distance to PA, but much to Quil's dismay, around five minutes ago it turned out that Mrs. Young had been called into work suddenly...  
And with Claire's Dad away on business (Good thing too, he never really did like Quil), the wolf found himself and little Claire stranded in Port Angeles.  
"Your Mom can't come get us Claire, she has work, remember?"  
"Oh..." Claire's cute small face turned down as if she was pondering something while sucking her tiny thumb. It was downright adorable, made Quil wish he had a camera.   
(Also made him think that _yeah_ ; The guys weren't just goofing when they called him gay.)  
Was Quil gay? In the romantic way? Not at all; He loved women... In fact, maybe he loved them a little too much. Especially naked pictures in magazines. But that was besides the point; The guys teased him just a little too often, and it did get downright annoying after awhile because clearly, Quil's choices in life weren't up to their standards. It had lessened just a little since the whole... Yeah, since the whole _incident_ , and the pack was careful to be nicer to one another and just to put in that extra effort that made pack equal family.   
Quil sighed and put the phone receiver down, then picked it up again.  
Goddammit, he was running out of quarters... He better reach somebody soon or else Claire was getting one hell of a long piggyback ride back to La Push.  
(Either that or a wolf-back ride.)  
Sticking another coin through the slot, he heard the familiar clanging of metal and he punched in Sam's number.

_Ring._   
_Ring._   
_Ring._

'Fuck Sam... What, when Emily moved out she took the phone too?'

_Ring._   
_Ring._

Then hallelujah. Quil heard the telltale click of Sam's phone being answered and he breathed an audible sigh of relief.  
"Sam man, thank god! I was starting to wonder where everyone disappeared to-"  
"Quil?"  
"...Hello? Leah, that you?"  
"Yeah... Hi. Sam's covering Paul's patrol for half an hour. Is everything okay?"  
Quil's mouth was suddenly dry and it was like he couldn't feel Claire's small hand curling and unfurling in his pants leg. Even the screams and laughs of the children running past them, plastered in cake and cookies and every other sticky thing in the world didn't seem to phase him.   
Talking to Leah was... Hard.  
"Oh, uh, yeah... When did Sam leave?"  
"Just a minute ago, why?"  
"No reason... Just gonna ask for a ride, that's all."  
"Oh, where you goin'?"  
"Nowhere, me and Claire are in PA, and her mom got called in to work so we've got no ride back..." _'Don't offer... Don't offer... Don't offer..._ '  
"Oh, I can come get you."  
 _'Shit.'_  
"No no no, uh, that's a lot of trouble Lee, it's okay, you don't have to..."  
"Quil. Just tell me where you are, I'm leaving now."   
It was useless to argue with her... Hell, after she got back in mostly one piece (remarkably) all the guys thought arguing with her was pretty much the last thing they'd ever want to do again, considering the damage it caused... The scare it had given them.  
"Uh... The Playland Palace, it's on the right side of the road by the downtown movie theatre..." Quil felt like kicking himself. Claire was watching him with her bright little brown eyes, probably wondering just why her Quilly had suddenly taken to mouthing off curse words silently. Sam had told Quil that Leah shouldn't be stressed... Geeze, Sam warned them.

  
_"Carlisle said that there shouldn't be any stress... No huge responsibilities, not until she's used to mundane life again. I don't want any of you guys nagging her or asking her questions about what happened! If she wants to talk, she'll start a conversation herself. I don't want her being alone either, not if I can help it, so just watch what you do and say around her."_

  
Guess Sam couldn't help it.  
"Alright, I'll be there in like, half an hour or so I guess. Wait for me." With that Leah hung up the phone.  
Quil put the receiver back in the recepticle, looked up at the hot pink ceiling of the playland and cursed. "Fuck..."  
Claire tilted her little head; Black curls dusting her shoulders.  
"You said a bad word."  
Quil looked down.  
"Don't repeat that, okay Claire-bear?"  
"'Won't... Daddy says it all th'time..." Quil picked his imprint up in his strong arms, the relationship he held with her purely of a brotherly, fatherly sense. (And speaking of father, he didn't want Claire's to beat the holy shit out of him if he found out Quil was teaching his baby girl bad words.)  
"Your Daddy's a big man, he's allowed to say those words. You can too when you're older."  
"Weally?"  
He chuckled, and walked out of the toy-infested, child-overrun building.  
"'Weally'.  
When Quil and Claire stepped out onto the sunny parking lot that covered the grounds on the front and to the sides of the big, red, fancy establishment, Quil couldn't help but watch the people walking by. There were people of all shapes and sizes; All nationalities and all colors; It was almost refreshing.  
(Did he love the rez? Totally. Did he wish maybe they were more diverse? Who didn't.)  
But then Quil looked at the briefcases, the high heels, the cell phones...  
Yeah, there was none of that in La Push.  
Hell, some people in La Push still had big old clunky computer monitors, and VCRs, and the alarm clocks that were literal clocks with bells on the top... Life was simple there. For those people anyway. Quil looked at Claire sitting in his arms, swaddled in her bright pink coat. Her big woodsy eyes were scouting out the city of Port Angeles, looking around at all the different people just like he was. Claire's Mom was a nurse, in Forks. It was a pretty decent job. And, Claire lived in a pretty decent house; But still.   
Just looking around at all the condos and all the fancy places before him, Quil knew Claire's life, her Mom's life, his Mom's life, the pack's life, and especially his life would never ever amount to that type of prosperity.  
Because for them, despite living in La Push, they authored on a realm where nothing would ever be simple.  
And sometimes bad things happened to good people.  
A car horn very close startled the living shit out of Quil then and Claire all but beat his chest with her small hands to get out of his arms.  
"Aunt Leah! Aunt Leah!"   
Her purple booties beat feat across the pavement, swung open the big black door of Leah's car and Claire climbed inside like Leah's old Chevy Impala was her own personal princess carriage.  
Now _that_ was simple.  
Quil couldn't help but smile as he trotted over to the passenger's side of the sixty-seven model (stood back for a moment to admire the magnificense of such a well-taken-care-of vehicle) and got in beside Leah.  
But as soon as Quil's ass settled into the grooves of the worn leather seats, a cold tremor snaked it's way up his spine. It was the uncoiling tendril of fear; Embarressment, and anxiety and maybe just a little bit of awkwardness thrown in there too. The hair on his arms goosebumped and stood on end.  
This had been the first time he was alone with Leah since she'd gotten out of the 'hospital'.  
"Hey man."  
"Hi, Leah..." He never failed to notice how when he was with Claire, the words flowed freely, easily... He never stuttered, he never ever sounded unsure of himself and she was the easiest person in the world for him to talk to. She was his imprint... His life. With Leah, it was different... Especially now. He felt that if he said the wrong thing, or moved too quickly... She'd shatter, or something... Break apart, or cry.  
Quil couldn't handle her crying.   
He'd better watch his mouth.  
The last thing Quil wanted to do, the very last thing... Was to hurt her again. Had he been the meanest? No. That was Paul, and Sam. Had he ever stood up for her, or defended her...? No.  
Claire was clicking her heels together in the back seat, completely ignorant of the hugeass elephant in the cab of the car and Quil suddenly would've given anything to be a child again. To not have to face what he'd done, and said. To not remember what he'd seen, and the fear and depression he had felt.  
But, he had to.  
For Leah.  
"So how was the play-"  
"How are you lately?"  
Leah raised an eyebrow as Quil's cheeks flushed with embarassment. He'd effectively cut her off by accident. Maybe, just maybe he wasn't the only one feeling the obvious weight of the tension in the car. But much to his pleasure, Leah's lips just fell into a soft smile and she clicked her signal light, pulled out and they were headed towards home.  
"I'm fine, Quil. Gettin' a little tired of people asking me that, though."  
He slumped in his seat. He blew it.  
"Sorry... I just... I was wondering, yah know..."  
"Yeah, I know. Hey it's okay. ...I'm glad you care."  
"Of course I care... Even if it hasn't always seemed like it..."  
Leah chose to ignore that choice statement... Today, she'd so willingly agreed to come pick up Quil and Claire because she'd missed the connection she felt to her brother. Sure, even before this whole incident it was sparse at the best of times (when they were nice to eachother, that is) but they still talked; Chatted about movies, made plans for the next day, talked about food and news and stupid goddamn colorful cereal commercials....  
And she didn't want to launch Quil into a guilt trip... Poor guy looked scared to death of the very thought.  
"It's been hard, Quil... But I know you care. Thanks."  
He looked over at her. He memorized her face.   
Leah was not like Emily... She didn't bare the markings of her horrible ordeal etched onto her cheeks, or snarled through the contours of her plump lips. Leah did have the bullet scar...; But that was about it. There was the scar on her palm, from when Sam mixed their blood, but that was just minor too.  
Quil knew Leah bore her jagged marks of pain and regret in the shadowed, deep hollows of her chest and on the face of her soul and dignity.  
He didn't know how to ask about it, or to make it better-  
"So how have you been?"  
He had to shake his head to knock himself out of the apparent cloud of loose attention.  
"Wha...?"  
She giggled... It was soft, it was vaguely familiar... Like a sound he may have heard years before. (Why did it only strike him now how little Leah'd laughed with them? Had fun with them?)  
"I asked how you've been, Quil... Good thing you're not the one driving."  
"Oh, uh... Yeah... No kidding." Momentarily, Quil couldn't deny that he felt the least bit stunned. In the face of the last few weeks, Leah'd been: Heartbroken, taunted, raped, tortured, smacked around, half dead on the floor of some dirty-ass cave and then this big hero that just managed to save the day.  
(Then fought for her life all over again in the white sheets of the Cullens' house.)  
And yet here she was asking him how _his_ week had worked out.  
"Soooo are you gonna answer the question?"  
Once again; Knee-jerk reaction of the totally dumb-stupored.   
"Oh, yeah right... I..." He looked at her again. Her fingers held the steering wheel with no less grit than she'd ever had... Her eyes still followed the road and her hand still looked like it was always itching to turn up the dial on the radio. "...I've been good... Fine... Kinda."  
He took two seconds to think about it. (Those two seconds Leah spent wishing he would actually tell her what was up... Quil was just another one of the many who had a spiritual awakening to attend to lately. She'd had her's, Sam had his... Now Leah guessed it was Quil's turn.)  
"...You know, on second thought I'm not really sure..."  
 _'Ahh, there it is.'_  
"Why aren't you sure?" She raises an eyebrow, blue eyes leaving the ribbon-of-sunlight road to glance at him before returning out the windshield.  
Quil bit his bottom lip. Sam had purposely said... No nagging, no stressing, no stupid awkward conversations that might have the chance to make her feel bad. How would this turn out...? Quil was no psychologist, but he was pretty sure unloading your personal shitstack of problems on someone who was probably dealing with one hundred times that of their own was a little like stressing.  
And Leah could read it all over his cute russet face.  
She sighed softly.  
"...I'm not going to fall apart, you know. It's okay to talk to me... Talking... In this weird sorta way, kinda helps. It makes everything feel normal, know what I mean?"   
Well... Quil thought about it some more. Claire was happily still clicking her heels in the backseat, her bright eyes gazing out at the land that whizzed by the Impala windows. Other cars, other kids she waved to, and when they stopped at lights, Claire was quite happy to say either:  
"Red!"  
"Yellow!", or,  
"Green! Go Aunty Leah!"  
It wasn't like he could talk to any of the guys about shit this lame... And he and Leah really should get to talking more, she was part of his pack, his family... His sister.  
Yeppppp, green means go.  
"Okay, well... Sometimes I think I could be doin' more than this."  
"More than what?"  
"This... Patrolling all day, babysitting all night, patrolling all night, babysitting all day..."  
Hm. Interesting... Quil was tired of the... Of the routine, imprinted lifestyle. Had her disappearance and discovery really sparked so much of a change throughout her brothers...? Sometimes, Leah found herself still pinching at her arms to make herself believe that Sam was really back in the picture.   
Looking down at her forearm, one hand off the wheel she did it again.  
"I see... Are you sure? I mean, what do you mean by 'more'?"  
"I guess I don't just wanna be doing this for the rest of my life... At least no one else wants me to."  
Leah couldn't help but smile. She'd figured it had something to do with the way the guys treated Quil. They were always ragging on him for something; Whether it be going to Claire's school plays, babysitting her instead of ordering pizza and chilling with the guys... Stuff like that. Honestly Leah didn't know where they got off on calling Quil down; Claire was his _imprint_ , it wasn't like they didn't understand what that, as Leah guessed, _draw_ was... Quil never complained when Jared skipped patrol because Kim cooked dinner, so why couldn't he stay home and eat KD with his Claire-bear?  
"Maybe I should get a job, or start going out more... I mean at least then I have something else in my life except for being the world's greatest big brother, right...?" (He said the right thing; Leah couldn't really handle Quil seeing Claire as anything else than his little sister... It was just a little too disgusting for her taste.)  
"Is that what you want?" She raised one finely groomed eyebrow at him again, and watched his broad shoulders shrug. _Nope_.  
"I wanna be happier...? So I guess..."  
Leah let the edges of her lips turn upwards in a reassuring smile, and she turned up the volume on the radio. Ahhh, Boston; Great for the drive, good for the soul.

_Now if you're feelin' kinda low 'bout the dues you been payin';_   
_Future's comin' much too slow._   
_And you wanna run but somehow you just keep on stayin';_   
_Can't decide on which way to go..._   
_Yeah yeah yeah!_

The Impala kept eating up the kilometers, and Leah soaked in all of Quil's words. Just by listening to his voice (Unhappy, non-bubbly like Quil's usually was), Leah could practically measure the level of unsettlement bathing in Quil's head and visualize the mental gears turning as he figured out what else to say, what not to say, and what to do to start working on his predicament.  
The man's eyes had turned outward, he too watching the surroundings as the car passed them by. In his mind, Quil kinda looked at them like milestones... Each passing tree an event that somehow managed to re-wire his life.  
The day he met Bella Swan... The day he phased... The day he imprinted on Claire... The day Leah phased... The day she took off into that storm and he'd thought for awhile, _'Paul's a dick but she_ does _need to get over it.'_  
Then of course the day he thought he'd lost his pack sister for good, and maybe that he was going to lose even his own life.  
Things had to change.  
"Quil? Did you hear me? Stop zoning out on me man."  
"What? Oops... My bad."  
"I said," She was still smiling, "That I think you're fine just the way you are."

_I understand about indecision;_   
_But I don't care if I get behind._   
_People livin' in competition;_   
_All I want is to have my peace of mind._   
_Yeah._

Quil looked over at her.  
"Hm?"  
"You heard me... I know what the guys say to you bothers you sometimes. But it shouldn't. Let them say what they're gonna say, there's no way it should matter to you anyway. You have a good thing, Quil."  
"What's my good thing...?"  
She rolled her eyes, the smile turning slightly more playful as if saying 'You're not that dumb are you?'. Somehow, throughout their entire conversation Leah had yet to even swerve over the yellow line a little, and she was doing a hundred; Made Quil pretty damn jealous. Maybe he should get himself a car too.  
"What you have in general, is a good thing Quil." Leah pressed down a little harder on the gas pedal, inconspicuously as she juggled Quil's response with singing along to the radio in her head. Hm... Idly, she wondered what had ever become of her old iPod. Still rotting on that bloodied battlefield; Maybe it was buried beneath the avalanche of rocks.  
"Elaborate please...?" He looked back at her. Leah cracked the window, letting the breeze catch her hairl. Adjusting a piece and putting it behind her ear (Quil thought she _did_ look better with long hair), Leah flicked her eyes at him.  
"Why do you think you need to change? If the guys weren't saying things to you, and... Maybe if what happened to me hadn't happened then you'd keep going on with things just as they are."  
Quil gulped; There it was, mentioning the 'incident'...  
"See, Quil i think you're just fine."  
"I... Don't really get it Leah... Yeah yeah I might be havin' a dumbass moment, but I don't get it...?"  
She sighed.   
"How is a job, and a more busy lifestyle gonna make things better for you when you're happy just as you are...?"

_Now you're climbin' to the top of the company ladder;_   
_Hope it doesn't take too long._   
_Can't cha see there'll come a day where it won't matter;_   
_Come a day when you'll be gone._

_I understand about indecision;_   
_But I don't care if I get behind._   
_People livin' in competition;_   
_All I want is to have my peace of mind._

"I..." Quil needed to think about it; For like the one hundredth time that ride. He was happy... Not when Paul was saying he was a gay homebody who needed to lose his virginity, or when Jared teased him about not having the time of day to lay around in the meadow with the pack but Quil was happy when he was home, playing video games with Claire, wasn't he? Satisfied at the very least.  
"You what? You can't tell me seeing her laugh doesn't make you smile." Leah turned her aquatic blue eyes upwards towards the rearview mirror, and eyed Claire drawing pictures using the steam of the window. 'I,' big heart, 'Quil.' "Because Quil dude, I hate imprinting and really, she makes _me_ smile."  
"Yeah... It does. I love seeing my Claire-bear laugh. She thinks I'm hilarious." Leah noticed, that when Quil talked about Claire he didn't stutter like he was unsure.   
"And you like spending time with her... I'd imagine you would."  
"Yeah, I do."  
"Then, where does you're huge want to get a job and be the busybody come into play? Because really man, I can't see you in a suit." She chuckled.   
Quil tilted his head; He couldn't help but smile. Leah was right... Hell did they make suits that big anyway?   
"Yeah... I guess I would." He gave a deep chuckle that made Leah feel like maybe she was getting somewhere... And if she was, so was he.   
"See, that's the Quil I know." She almost grinned; Almost. "You're the only guy I know who can tell me what's gonna be on that Teletoon tv channel any time of the day and at the same time, know just what to get Claire for her birthday."   
(Leah and Quil both acted like they didn't see the child's ears perk up instantly; Another surprise for another day.)  
"You're perfect just where you are in life Quil, and with what you do. You don't need to toss and turn at night over stupid decisions... But hey. I'm not gonna tell you how to run your life because if there's anything I'm hopin' you guys learned, it's that sometimes you gotta take fate into your own hands and give it a big 'Screw You' if it thinks it's fun to drown you."

_Take a look ahead; Take a look ahead; Look ahead...!_

_Now everybody's got advice, they just keep on givin';_   
_Doesn't mean too much to me._   
_Lots of people out to make believe they're livin';_   
_Can't decide on who they should be...!_

"...Thanks, Leah..." He looked out the window. "What-... Holy shit. We just passed the ten kilometer sign, it's only been like twenty minutes..." He raised an eyebrow in obvious confusion. The drive between La Push and Port Angeles was a long half an hour at _least._  
Leah laughed; It was nice.  
"See, everybody has a path, a comfort zone and sometimes we like to stay in that comfort zone. It's all fine just like it is. I know you drive slow; But I drive fast. I didn't change it for you, andddd even though I should've for Claire, I kinda didn't; My mistake. But otherwise, I like my music loud as hell too and that's a small change I did make. So, it's up to you to make your own changes and it's up to you to decide what to keep and what to search for." Quil glanced at the speedometer... Jesus, Leah was gunnin' it to one thirty-five an hour in a nineties area....  
He hadn't even noticed.  
"So Quil, stay in _your_ comfort zone, because sometimes it's better where we belong. You might not be happy; You're not sad. But you're content, and you're living. Just the way you want to."  
Leah ran a red light like she could foresee no traffic, and then they were a minute away from home.

_I understand about indecision;_   
_But I don't care if I get behind._   
_People livin' in competition;_  
  
 _All I want is to have my peace of mind...;_

Leah pulled up to a stop by Quil's. He got out, got Claire in the backseat who hung onto him like she massively enjoyed her Aunty Leah's reckless driving and practically vibrated in his arms. He walked around to the passenger's side.  
"Thanks Lee... We'd be stuck without you." _'So would I.'_  
"No problem... What are you doin' tonight? Goin' to the bonfire?"  
"...Nah. I might rent some movies."  
Leah smiled. _'That's my boy.'_ She cranked up the volume and put the pedal to the metal.  
"I'll see yah."  
"You too."  
Quil let Claire run along inside... He was excited to get the game console started up again, see if the little girl could kick his ass at Spyro. Yep... This was the life.  
As he watched the Impala speed off down the dirt roadway towards the Clearwater home, and the loud music droned out of the car speakers Quil got one last thought that maybe he didn't need to ponder over for once.  
If the girl who'd been so much gave him such good advice that helped him straighten out his problems and get some ground back to his thoughts and feelings....  
Maybe he wasn't the only one who'd been regaining his peace of mind. 

_Take a look ahead! Take a look ahead! Look ahead...!_

Recovery.


End file.
